In the past week I’ve written several very long blog post (this one being no exception), all of which I saved as a draft and couldn’t decide if I should publish them or not. One was called, “because it’s all become a bit too whorish,” about how social media has become overrun with too much shameless self promotion and some rants on publishing in general….another was entitled, “why I gave up and went back to Facebook”…..and another had no title yet but was a long argument with myself in regards to the post I made the other day about being creatively inspired by your inner 8 year old.
There are two reasons why I couldn’t post any of these (or much of anything else as of late):
1. I can’t stop arguing with myself. The more I write, the more I spend time afterwards arguing points I made…thinking of the counterargument….I end up not quite sure if I know anything at all or have a leg to stand on with any assertions. Maybe the more we learn and the more we experience, the less certainties we have about things in life.
Even yesterday I had a debate with someone about posting a picture of me to my Facebook wall that he’d found online somewhere ….It’s a picture from one of my vacations that I’d posted on another site a few years ago but didn’t care to share on Facebook. It hasn’t been online for some time so he had to have saved it. It’s annoying enough when people tag you in bad photos of yourself that they took …so then it’s shared with all your other friends and family….and it’s a bit different when you are with some friends and they take a picture of you and post it or tag you and so it’s like they’re sharing a photo you’ve not seen yet….but when someone takes a picture from your Instagram or they Google search you and put stuff on your wall that they were not even associated with, I find that to be weird and somehow wrong….When I asked him to please not do that, his response was that he’ll add me to his list of “do not post pixs” people…said he has had nieces request the same (well then learn your lesson fuckhead) …then he said something about how he has a theory about why women don’t like their images/photos but that if he told me I’d probably find it sexist….to which I said thanks for not sharing your opinion and for honoring my request….It’s not that I don’t like my photos, though I’m not one to blast my face all over my online sites for my own reasons and I don’t like bad pictures of myself to be widely distributed anymore than anyone else would…it’s that you know someone is digging for things related to you online…creepy…..that at any point some picture (if not that one, which wasn’t a bad picture or one I’m ashamed of) could resurface and you have no say….sooooo…this lead me to a whole debate with myself and a real eye opener about what we should share EVER because what we feel like sharing today, might be something in a few years we’d like to brush under the rug or put away but once it’s out there in cyber-land it becomes somehow other people’s possessions and they can and will do what they like with it. So the picture you post today thinking you look cute, might be your “fat picture” next year and you might have deleted it but some other person might still have it. Obviously this has been enough of an issue that Facebook has created all kinds of privacy settings and even an ability to request someone to “untag” you in a photo….But I think the photos still show up in Google searches etc. The only real control you can have is what you post in the first place and that just because YOU think it only belongs on Instagram or your blog, someone else might decide to put it on your mom’s Facebook page or somewhere else….. It’s just never been much of an issue for me before….I never thought of “controlling” my online presence before but when something happens you start to think of maybe the dark side of this whole cyber world…..Which leads me to the number TWO reason I hesitated to post entries this week. In fact, the reason I might just stop posting anything at all.
2. What you say CAN and WILL be used against you in a court of law…okay maybe not that …but it’s a feeling of being afraid of sharing now…..when I started blogging, my intention was to say HEY, here’s me…this is what I’m like…this is what I’m about…let me introduce myself…let’s be friends …let’s chat.….And I don’t think I gave much thought to other people “spying” on our little “friendship” with shady intentions…I didn’t think about anything being copied, saved, and shared elsewhere ….and now that I have thought about it, I debate about how it makes me feel….For example, it was weird recently to see a picture of a painting I’d done (and posted here on my blog but not in my Facebook world) posted onto my mom’s Facebook page by someone (same someone who posted my found photograph on my wall). Well my mom had already seen the picture of the painting as well as the actual painting….why would this person call this to my mom’s attention though? What if it were a painting I didn’t want some family members to really see, like say my grandparents, and so I posted here on the blog because I know they don’t surf the net or read blogs or even know about my blog…but I choose not to post it on Facebook because I don’t want to share it with family and friends who wouldn’t see it otherwise….but then this person takes it upon himself to post the painting on my mom’s Facebook and there it is for all to easily see….This is just an example…mostly I don’t post anything online that I’d be mortified for someone to find out about…but it’s just a weird dynamic to me…that you’ll think you’re sharing stuff in one world and someone outside of things will get involved and you have no choice….
So I don’t know if it’s worth sharing anything with anyone. Like I say, I’m in a constant debate with myself. If anything it’s made me think more about self editing ….It’s made me think a lot about WHAT should be shared, what’s “wrong” with others sharing, etc….But in a way it just doesn’t seem worth the hassle when I could simply just say nothing….post nothing.